The Crux of the Problem

Quoting myself from a discussion on HN about sexism where someone was talking about "fighting that fight" etc:

"Going to war to preserve the peace is like fucking to preserve virginity."

Business connections don't happen by being aggressive, ugly and fighty. They are based on hard won trust. In a nutshell, the problem women face is that when men trust them and like them, their first, middle, last and only thought is often "I'd hit that!"
Here is another relevant comment by me from today on HN, but I am not going to quote here.

As I noted in a recent post on this site, 2342 days ago (calculator tells me this is 6.41 years ago), I backed a guy on HN who was being punishingly downvoted under circumstances where that was basically asshole behavior. At the time, he was one of the top three guys on the leaderboard, all of whom were basically neck-and-neck. After that, he became the clear frontrunner and now has obscenely more karma than anyone else, about 3 times as much as the guy in second place.

I have been homeless for 5.5 years. If I were a man, then helping Thomas become the clear frontrunner by having his back likely would have led to a mutually beneficial relationship. But I am a woman, so it only benefited him. Only very recently has that come back to me at all, and very modestly. Thomas will occasionally engage me in discussion in a not totally shitty way on Hacker News, which helps get me generally treated better on the site.

But when I have seen men do this sort of thing for other men, they then promote each other's work, influence each other's hiring decisions, become business partners, refer clients to each other and so on. So if I were a man, instead of being desperately poor while sleeping in a tent to get myself well, I might well have just been seen as "quirky" for doing so while having something closer to a middle class income.

I have held off on saying things like this. It never seems to make any positive difference, meanwhile it increases my risks. People like to shoot me down and be ugly to me and all that.

But my life is even more in the toilet than usual and playing in traffic is looking like the only fucking option, so there you have it. Stuff like this is why I feel that people on Hacker News are partly responsible for what a financial mess my life is.

Sadly, there is not a goddamn thing to be done about it because even the best men there don't feel in any way obligated to promote my work, clue me, help me out financially, etc etc etc. This is the reason sexism lives on. Even the good men won't really do anything about it. They figure as long as they aren't groping some woman or raping her, her inability to get anywhere in life is not their problem or responsibility. What is their problem is their fear that if they talk to a woman too much or do too much for her, it will somehow besmirch their reputation.

Seriously, playing in traffic is looking unusually good today as the only thing that makes any goddamn sense.


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