Are You and I Romantically Involved?

Me on me:

I am a chatty extravert. Sometimes people imagine they are close to me when they are not.

Men sometimes seem to get this idea that because I "spoke" with them more than once or twice or for more than just a few words, this is a budding romance. This sometimes happens online when I talk to a guy on a public forum or exchange emails with him. Since I am healthier here lately and being chattier than I have been in recent years, I thought I would post this to try to prevent a few awkward misunderstandings.

I got married at age 19 to my high school sweetheart and best friend. I was married for more than half my life by the time the divorce was final. I have had a seriously intimate relationship of the romantic variety.

I also did the full time wife and mom thing and homeschooled my kids. So I have also had extremely close non-romantic relationships.

It takes 15 to 20 hours per week of mostly private interaction to establish and maintain an intimate relationship. So if you are not privately live chatting online with me for at least two hours a day, every day, we do not have an intimate relationship.

I am pretty slow to warm up and I have a pretty high tolerance for blathering on about myself. If we do not have an intimate relationship involving 15+ hours per week of time, every week, the odds are poor that I am thinking "Man, he's hot!" The odds are also poor that you know much more about me than can be found out about me by cyberstalking my blogs and other public comments.

So, you can pretty safely assume that if you have to ask yourself "Are we getting romantically involved?", the answer is probably "no." And if all our conversations are public, yeah, no. Not even close.

You might be a friend (or a fan), but you probably aren't my next lover.


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