PSA: I do not have a martyr complex

I can be generous, long suffering and have a lot of forbearance for certain things. I am slow to judge and I am inclined to err on the side of assuming misunderstanding, etc. rather than pointing fingers.

But it often happens that people conclude this means they can just blithely crap all over me and I will take it indefinitely and continue to be kind, generous etc. Nope. I will not.

One of the best things that came from raising my very challenging children is that it allowed me to make my peace with who I am. I am not broken. Other people are just all kinds of stupid and fucked up.

I like being kind, generous, helpful and trying to do nice things for other people. That in no way means I like being a goddamn doormat or taking abuse.

Apparently most of the planet is incapable of figuring this out. They are just asshats and dumber than dirt and just don't get it.

But it isn't me. What I do works well, if people are not both completely fucked up and also dumber than dirt.

My oldest son can be incredibly difficult to deal with. He is basically a sociopath and literally went through periods as a child of psychologically torturing me.

According to him, he got his shit together and learned to stop being a chronic asshole to me because, while I was very slow to punish him, I was fairly quick to withdraw the loving, doting extras that he had come to count on. This was something he noticed and it very much mattered to him.

According to him, he could wake me up at 3 a.m. and ask me to cook for him and I often would. I often said something like "Bring me a soda so I can wake up and go turn the oven on so it can preheat."

Unless he was being a chronic, horrendous shit to me 24/7. Then he got told "Sorry, I am sleeping here. Go make yourself a peanut butter sandwich."

I was always sick and tired, but until I was outright bedridden, I wasn't simply incapable of getting up. So he was very clear that the difference in response was not actually due to exhaustion. It was due to his behavior.

He realized he didn't even need to be a good boy. He just needed to not be a horrendous, chronic little shit to me.

So, he got his act together, in part because I spent much of his life rolling my eyes and "joking" that "For your 18th birthday, you are getting a 30 day notice of eviction." The message was clear: I am only legally obligated to put up with your crap and still try to do right by you anyway until you turn 18. After that, if I don't have a reason to put up with you, I don't have to.

I used to feel really guilty about being a "forum killer." I left a few forums -- or was thrown out -- and traffic died down noticeably. The soul seemed to go out of them. They were never the same. I felt responsible for their "death" and I felt tremendous guilt.

My view has recently changed. Those forums saw a substantial ramp up in activity and improvement in various metrics due to my presence, but I never got credit nor respect nor anything but grief. So, eventually, I left. And then things fell apart.

I no longer feel guilty. They got benefit out of me. They didn't appreciate it and didn't want to give back. I moved on. Too bad, so sad. Sorry you are so fucking stupid and unappreciative and generally awful.

I don't like burning bridges, but people almost never seem to get enough of a clue and the end result is often the same no matter how hard I try: There is no going back. They wait until I am really fed up before thinking they need to do anything differently on their end. Then, when they do change, it is very much "a day late and a dollar short." Then they act like I "owe" them or something because they have incredibly fucked up, abusive "Giving Tree" mental models for how a loving, giving, kind woman should behave.

I can be a bitch at times. But I have no plans to be your bitch.

Maybe the assholes of the internet (cough -- among others, certain Mefites -- cough) can use this note as a means to be less retarded in the future. But there probably is no getting back into my good graces. While I am slow to judge, I am equally slow to forgive and you assholes probably aren't even capable of making amends on the order of equal to how much you shit all over me, even if you were to get the bright idea "Hey, I know, I shall try to Make Things Right for having crapped on her."

Because assholes are generally good at shitting and that's about it. That is probably why we call them assholes.


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