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Showing posts from October, 2014

The Blood Brother Principle

Years ago, I took a class on Social Psychology. There is a fair amount of research on what causes people to bond and be more loyal. A lot of the conclusions of such research is pretty cynical. It has unpleasant things to say about why people stay in bad relationships, why people are more loyal if they endured hazing to get into an organization and so on.

I have used my awareness of that kind of information to remain skeptical about a lot of things and thus protect myself from people manipulating me or keeping me trapped in an essentially abusive situation. However, I have continued to wrestle with certain questions and I very much dislike the trend I have seen in some places to believe that a good relationship is always pleasant and easy. I have not found that to be true. I have found that a good relationship has the mettle to withstand difficult situations.

This is one of the reasons I am not a fan of dating. Dating seems to be about just having a pleasant time with someone. It looks…

Sobering Facts about Sexual Consent

I used to talk with an educated, polite, respectful, seemingly refined individual who once mentioned to me that he routinely plied his dates with alcohol to get them into bed. I made a mental note to never go out with him, even though prior to that I had been thinking he was intelligent and well-mannered and attractive. His idea of consent and mine were clearly not on the same page.

I set a pretty high standard for genuine (unambiguous) consent these days. I have been celibate a long time in part because I felt that merely notifying men about my medical situation was inadequate protection of their health. Those fools slept with me anyway -- and without a condom, in spite of me telling them as plainly as I could that I was very ill and doctors really didn't know what antibiotic resistant(!) infection(s) I had.

At some point, I decided that I would remain celibate until I was well enough for me to feel that sex was neither tantamount to suicidal stupidity on my part, nor tantamount …