Paranoid Delusions

I got up a bit before 5:00 a.m. in order to relieve my bladder. As I stepped outside the tent, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, possibly up the hill in the distance. It reminded me of a chilling short story I read in school which ends on the note of two trapped men realizing that the figures coming towards them are not rescuers but are, instead, wolves. I promptly had fears of being attacked by a pack of coyotes.

We know there are coyotes in the area. We often hear them yipping at night and we ran across a dead carcass next to the road recently, so we know it is not dogs or something else that we are hearing. However, although I am quite afraid of dogs, I have no fear of coyotes.

Many years ago, I lived on Ft. Irwin just south of Death Valley and I often walked six miles alone in the desert with a camel-back of water, going halfway around perimeter road, then cutting back through the middle of the base to go home. I frequently saw coyotes. It never bothered me. They will attack small children and will eat pets left in the backyard but they do not attack adult humans.

Thus this sudden fear of being torn apart by a pack of coyotes was so bizarre that I immediately knew something was remiss with brain chemistry.  It simply wasn't rational or in character. As I walked to a trash can a block away, I continued to have weird fears of being stopped by the police or assaulted by someone. Going over what I wanted to write about it in today's blog post had me envisioning the most gruesome scenarios I could imagine.  It took a while to put a stop to it and get back to sleep.

On top of everything else, my long overdue period finally started yesterday.  It is much heavier today and has left me super tired. I am having trouble focusing and I am not sure I will be productive this afternoon.Plus, my computer time is nearly up.



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